Holland Boo Hoo

[What? No winnies?]

Yes, the mood was glum after last night's World Cup finale, where after playing it out to 15-15 extended play, Holland lost 1:0.

To top it off, this morning, while Mommy was upstairs stuffing the sofa cover into the wash (minor chocolate emergency during excited game watching), Emily was brattily ripping up the cushion stuffing downstairs.

!!!Daddy LOVES his sofa!!!

Mommy thinks grabbing the Boo and running away from home is a viable option. Bumily's not worried. She's already checked out new parent candidates.

Footsie

Emily finds the best places to hang out.

[Mmm, stinky]

[My foot~]

Emily also plants her fuzzy butt on Mommy's stomach. Yes, when your dog climbs up to sit on you, it's dominance. Mommy knows. Mommy also knows that Emily's only 10 pounds. Much good dominance will do you, shrimp.

Hello Spring, You're Looking Good.

Some afternoons, Emily Puppy is the posterdog for that quote from Buffy:

Either way I'm bored, constricted, I never get to shop, and my hair and fingernails still continue to grow. So really, when you think about it, what's the diff?

(BtVS Season 1, ep 01)

[What are you saying about my hair, Mommy?]

We try to keep her mat and tangle free. M. found that mink oil spray works. Emily hates it, and runs away whenever we start squirting. So, H. squirts it directly into the brush instead. As soon as it's properly warm, Bummy's getting a massive shave.

[But I'm a Natural Beauty]

Emily prefers to lick Olay Complete Moisturizer (with SPF) off my arms.

But, nothing keeps the Bumster down for long.

[You're not really done with that icecream, are you Mommy?]

* * *

In related life news, M. is at a conference in Philadelphia, so last night H. polished off a pint of Nut Explosion coffee ice-cream for dinner.

Goes to show, the ol' metabolism is firmly whipped into shape when I can still lose weight after that.

Letter to Uncle Shaggy

Dear Uncle Shaggy,

Mommy wanted me to tell you that I poo'ed the earplugs out, so we're out of the woods.
She wanted to take a picture and name them Uncle Shaggy's Poo Plugs, in your honor, but Daddy said no. He said, you can do without that Happy.

loves loves loves,

Emily Wemily

ps,

I also chewed up her headphone+mic, just for you.

News Flash!

Emily ate H.'s earplugs again! (remember the last time?)
We're still waiting for the plug shaped poo.

Favorite Sushi: Toilet Roll

Pretending to bark at blackbirds, Emily tricked me by turning around and running off with fallen toilet roll (used for picking up her poo in the patio).

[Nyam Nyam Nyam! My Domain!]

Google is so slow sometimes

H. wasted a couple hours this afternoon, figuring out how to make a custom iGoogle theme (as they tell you NOTHING) with an Emily montage. It's up! but so far, I'm the only one who can use/see it. iGoogle says it'll be searchable in a few days. boo.

[ETA]
Don't trust Google's no-explanations "just upload picture" button. The banner size is roughly 1000x180 (I used 175), so prepare an image that size. Otherwise you end up with a picture enlarged and cropped and looking like a big tuft of nothing.

[5th attempt, avoiding the middle space for search-text window]

Teeth Files

H. is trying to fix up chapter 5 (more humor, less punishment), and Emily is scurrying to the bathroom every 10 minutes to fetch a new nail-file to chew up. The kind made of sand paper and looks like popsicle sticks.

[Who me?]

I tell her she's filing her teeth down, but nothing doing. She's on her third already. Now she's into the box of waxing strips. Must take that away.

We're off to the vet tonight to see about that tick in her chest that's not the heart.

[No vet! No vet, Mommy!]

Busy Puppy

[by Emily, the puppy]

Dear World,

Wow, what a busy day! I was such a good, hard-working puppy, too: I picked up IND paperwork and fried chicken for Mommy and Daddy, and came home to do two loads of laundry. Then I fixed Mommy's horrible chapter, and told her all my brilliant ideas for the new series she stole off Daddy. Of course, I couldn't type it up (because I'm just a little puppy), but Mommy has to do something to earn her keep, doesn't she? Lazy Mommy.

She must be the laziest Mommy in the world, but she's lucky she has Busy Puppy to take care of her. Mommy says I'm so hard-working, I must take after my Uncle Shaggy.


love,

Emily Puppy.


ps. What's Child Labor Laws?

The amazing flying puppy

Evidently, Emily thinks removing her ovaries was meant to make her lighter for air travel.

When we came home, H.'s leftover slice of cake, sitting high up on the kitchen table, was GONE, and a doggy munch left on the rest of the pound cake. We can only assume that Emily learned how to fly.

(or she jumped on the chair, then up on the table, ate the cake, knocked a magazine to the floor, and jumped back down, innocently wagging her tail to greet us in the hall)

[Let her eat Cake]

- well, she'd already gnawed at it, anyway.

- and yes, she's eating pound cake, lying on Mommy's (faux) fur jacket, after she'd had 2 breakfasts already out of her Koryo celadon doggy bowl.

Post-Surgery Day 2

Emily has perfected the keening whine, and uses it at all times, for food, water, ice-cubes, chewies, sunnies, laps, and when she wants to potty.

Mommy has been airlifting her highness on a pillow to carry her over the threshold and out into the garden.

This morning, Emily whined to go in and out and in and out 6-8 times (over an hour and a half), before she settled down on her pillow outside in the sun, and then PEED on her pillow.

Yes, Mommy's a wuss. We know.

Things I Secretly Love About My Dog

Lots of things I love not so secretly, but since this one's a baddy:

I love how Emily has to plop her fuzzy butt on the sofa to hang out and watch TV.

(when we're not around)

Yeah, we're supposed to be stopping her from getting up on the sofa, and M.'s really serious about it, but I can't help thinking it's cute.

! Catastrophes !

1. Today

While I was in the bathroom, Emily jumped up on the coffee table and made away with one of the chocolate discs in the silver butter dish.

When I came back she was munching on it in her corner.

CHOCOLATE IS TOXIC TO DOGS (and CATS!).

I've been frantically trying to remember how many discs were in the dish -- dound the other 3 under the sofa later. Turned out she ate 1/3~ 1/2 of a thin chocolate disc.

One ounce of milk chocolate to one pound of body weight is clinically toxic. As Emily is 7 pounds and ate probably 0.1 ounces of milk chocolate, I think we're in the clear.

But man, must be more vigilant. (another white hair for H.)

2. Yesterday

I had to adjust the Halti three times (size 0 is too small for Emily). I'd snipped off mistakes and sewed two more strips together to make it fit her little head. Sitting in the corner of our stairwell, I was distracted, and had left the needle on the steps. 3 hours later, going up the stairs, the needle was waiting for me, and went right through my 2nd toe.

I screamed to bring the house down, but immediately after 1. "ow ow" and 2. "stupid stupid me!" I thought, 3. "thank God it wasn't Emily who stepped on it."

Another white hair.

[Pish, that means I could have finished that nummy with no harm done, Mommy!]

Dilemma

As long as H. can't find the card reader, she can't put the Castle Walk pics on the blog. The longer H. stays away from the blog, the more she just goofs off on Emily!Twitter.

Emily's into mysterious sonic pitch whining. H. has no idea what about. Probably bats.

Obvious Title Omitted for the Rude Factor

[Emily's Kingdom]

A good puppy parent would say "No!" take away her loot, and drag puppy butt back into the living room where she belongs. H. had to record it for blog posterity.
--
Emily is currently chomping on her tripe rolly, using my bare foot as a snacking table.