Teeth Files

H. is trying to fix up chapter 5 (more humor, less punishment), and Emily is scurrying to the bathroom every 10 minutes to fetch a new nail-file to chew up. The kind made of sand paper and looks like popsicle sticks.

[Who me?]

I tell her she's filing her teeth down, but nothing doing. She's on her third already. Now she's into the box of waxing strips. Must take that away.

We're off to the vet tonight to see about that tick in her chest that's not the heart.

[No vet! No vet, Mommy!]

Tick!

While coaxing Emily for the first part of her walk, H. found something like a tomato seed with a black head and squirmy legs on it, half of which was EMBEDDED in Emily's chest. After panicking and pinching and tearing it up with my fingernails, later with a pair of tweezers, it was half out.

But half of it disappeared under her skin!!!

A frantic call to the vet left me with: let it pus out over the weekend, and pinch it clean on Monday.

In the meantime, H. went and shaved the dog. Close. So she'll be picking up less critters in her fur.

More regard for close-crop/less bug and not cute-fuzzy resulted in a skinny little dog with a big head and big feet.

Pictures later. I think I overdid it on her chest, though. I can see her freckles and spots.

Takes after her Mommy

[It's the Magic Doorway, Mommy!]

...
in other news, Uncle Shaggy is made of win! (maybe accidental win, but win). Mommy hasn't laughed this hard about the 'economy' (*wink wink*) in, well, ever.

and also Mommy really dislikes the odor of fail! in some English departments. They seriously need more jellybeans, plus a kick in the pants.

Before and After

On Sunday, I mentioned that Emily nosed around the bedroom, and ate my earplugs. We thought we'd like to show you what we found.

Those with more delicate sensibilities, please avert your eyes and come back tomorrow for sweet puppyness. The rest of you toilet-humor kids, scroll down.

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BEFORE
[A Brand New Plug]

(btw, you can see two missing keys in the background)

AFTER

[What we found in her poo]

NOBODY will be doing ANY recycling here, so shush.

Emily Puppy has been busy

[Happy things first]
Emily the super busy puppy's been

... picking up slack for Mommy.

Mostly she's been barking. This is what she looks like when she does that:

[I call her Ol' UnderBite Em]

Mommy's always staring at the evil flat thingy -- with squiggly things on it. So Emily wanted to do it too. It didn't taste so good.

[Whatever. It couldn't have been that bad.]

H: [Emily pulled 6 keys off my computer and ate two. We now have replaced "I" and "9" with "Alt Gr" and some key with a weird picture on it. I'm running out of useless keys fast]

She also ran into our bedroom and ate my earplugs. I know because they were gone from the bedside table. Also, two nights later, I found them in her poo.

H. has gotten a lot better at stuffing the Kong. 'Cause Emily can't get her goodies out. Sometimes she barks at it:

[Then she just whines at the food to come out]

She also tore a hole in her new beddy, and is bent on spilling its innards around the house. But they're okay.

[Still a cutey. But kind of hairy.]

[I can see you right there, Daddy!]

xxx

Some of Emily's misdeeds are rated R to NC-17 that they never make it on the blog. You'd never guess, to see such a cute, innocent-face puppy.

She likes sneaking into the bathroom. The toilet brush is her buddy. But today, she was ripping up a package of my [bleep]s, and the adhesive part got stuck on her paw. She stomped around with it, and threw a right fuss when I tried to tug it off.

ETA. Ooops, she snuck out into the hall and did it again. 10 sloppy puppy kisses if you guess what she played with.

Busy Puppy

[by Emily, the puppy]

Dear World,

Wow, what a busy day! I was such a good, hard-working puppy, too: I picked up IND paperwork and fried chicken for Mommy and Daddy, and came home to do two loads of laundry. Then I fixed Mommy's horrible chapter, and told her all my brilliant ideas for the new series she stole off Daddy. Of course, I couldn't type it up (because I'm just a little puppy), but Mommy has to do something to earn her keep, doesn't she? Lazy Mommy.

She must be the laziest Mommy in the world, but she's lucky she has Busy Puppy to take care of her. Mommy says I'm so hard-working, I must take after my Uncle Shaggy.


love,

Emily Puppy.


ps. What's Child Labor Laws?

Third Time's the Charm

Emily's test driving her beddy for the third time (after peeing in it twice yesterday). I stuffed it in her crate to see if she won't wet it if it's the bed.

[Froggy had it coming. He looked at me funny, Mommy]

[ETA] Emily peed on her new fluffy bed for the THIRD time, which was in her crate this time. And 5 minutes after refusing to pee when I took her outside.

Oi oi. *mommy headaches*

Bed Hunter

The great hunting dogs of yore have brought down mammoths and tigers. Emily attacks her new beddy:



What you don't see here: 10 minutes later, she christened it with pee. She's a classified hunter/pee-er.

[ETA] 5 hours after she'd peed in her new beddy, Emily got it back, freshly washed, then dried fluffy on the radiator. She enjoyed it for 5 minutes, after which she prompty peed in it again.

Mommy: OI!

The amazing flying puppy

Evidently, Emily thinks removing her ovaries was meant to make her lighter for air travel.

When we came home, H.'s leftover slice of cake, sitting high up on the kitchen table, was GONE, and a doggy munch left on the rest of the pound cake. We can only assume that Emily learned how to fly.

(or she jumped on the chair, then up on the table, ate the cake, knocked a magazine to the floor, and jumped back down, innocently wagging her tail to greet us in the hall)

[Let her eat Cake]

- well, she'd already gnawed at it, anyway.

- and yes, she's eating pound cake, lying on Mommy's (faux) fur jacket, after she'd had 2 breakfasts already out of her Koryo celadon doggy bowl.

Post Surgery, Day 7

A whole week has gone by since Emily got spayed, and the changes have been unexpected.

First, Emily peed on her two red sofa cushions. Then once on the floor. And did a poo, too. Goodbye perfect potty training.

Second, she's started BARKING at me, very loudly and persistently, to pay attention to her. Bratty Mc Brat.

Third, and she's gotten a lot faster too, running around like a scuttling crab.

Fourth, she flies in the face of authority and leaps up on the sofa and coffee table while I'M IN THE ROOM (instead of sneaking around to do it when I'm not).

All in all, the wishful thinking that she might get calmer: DASHED. Definitely not a slower dog.

Then again, the spaying coincided probably with the onset of puberty.

Places to Go, People to Chew

Despite surgery, Emily's a busy (FRAPpy) puppy. Actually, I think with the fast-scuttling she's developed, she's gotten even faster.

[Don't know what, but I gotta do it!]

Surgery Shirt

Emily kept scratching and licking her bandages, so we had to make her a shirt. (H. thought it was her old cheap t-shirt she cut up. Turned out to be M.'s new one. Oops)

It's like a tube, with leg-holes cut out. You can't see the cool red contrast stitching in this shot.

[I look so dorky, Mommy. All the other dogs will tease me.]

(Hides shame in chewies)

Of course, this works better than the first idea, which could have worked if it weren't so short it didn't cover up to her bandages at all. Also, she hated it, for good shame-reasons.

[Do you think Mickey Mouse hated himself too?]

[Dog t-shirt turned dog-pants]

[See what you're missing because the pants were too short?]