Open Letter to the White Wookie

[Eats Forests, Really Tall]

Dear Emily,

Mommy and Daddy are really thrilled you're not constipated any more. After a day of nothing in nothing out, the poo machine is back!

Mommy doesn't mind (so much) picking up your poo and washing your butt 4 times a day (and letting you out to pee another 6 times).

She doesn't mind scooping out the crusty upper layer of old stinky dirt in our little garden because you've peed there so often it's an open latrine.

But remember our little garden?
It's kind of little, and you've just about killed Mo the chrysanthemum, but it's still big enough to poo in for a little wookie like you.

So why'd you have to pick that impossible spot between the metal fence and the wood border to drop your poos in? Mommy's hand can't reach in there.
It was embarrassing the first time when Mommy went next door and asked our neighbor if Mommy could pick up your poo from the other side of the fence.

So the second time, Mommy decided poking it out with a plastic fork was better than the shame.

Next time, could you be a honey, and poo where Mommy can get to it? Thx.

secret liver-smeared kissies,

H&M

[My poos are frankincense and myrrh]

Kitchen Bowl Cuts

Ever groaned about the Kitchen Bowl Hair Cuts when you were little?

H.'s mom was quite genius with kiddie hair cuts, and from pictures, we look pretty spiffy for ages 5 and 7. Mushroom hair! B

So having no bad childhood memories, H. gave Emily a home cut.

(before all 4 sets of puppy shots are done, a groomer's might be one of the worst places to take a puppy. Think of all the dogs going in and out. Like a park, with all the dog poo in one stinky sandbox! Then again, will get her used to being handled.)

Now, she doesn't look like a mini-sheep dog, and minus the snout-hair blinkers and fluffy long bangs, Emily's eyes are back!

(as you can see, one eye looks bigger than the other eye, just like H.)

[What's the fuss? I'm always pretty!]

Obviously, H. is not very good at snipping fur off a squirming puppy. And this is with M. holding her st533.

Note) 15 weeks, 1 day, weight: 2.3 kgs

Boxing Dog Diet

Maybe we shouldn't let her have all the empty boxes...

Spoiled Maltese forums has all the odds&ends concerns of Maltie folks -- H. picks up a lot that's not in the generic dog books. ex) Emily's on-leash hacking asthma attacks (is it still "reverse sneezing" if she does it while trying to hang herself sideways?)

Anyway, H. got a nice&concerned note about the "Broccoli" post from another member: broccoli is bad for your dog/ be careful!

So, after H.'s initial, "OMG! I poisoned Emily!" reaction, M. toddled off to look it up. If you put your dog on BARF, you might make up her 30% vegetable portion with a lot of broccoli, and that much will become toxic. However, a little piece now and then is quite healthy, and will prevent cancer.

Emily actually prefers a tiny slice of apple.

Other Foods that are BAD for Dogs (from the fridge list):
Chocolate, onions, grapes & raisins, garlic, macadamia nuts, walnuts, cooked bones, alcohol, ibuprofen, citrus, mushrooms, avocado, tomato, green potatoes, and cat food.

And now, for another unicorn topknot.

[Who do I have to bite to get some sleep around here?]

A Curtain Drops

Some people (might) think H. lives to shame Emily on the Intarwebs, as I post mostly incriminating pics and videos.

Not (always) true.

For instance, H. tested out Emzee's new sheering scissors -- necessary for trimming hair so her poo doesn't get stuck all over her bum and legs.

(also, for Maltese puppies, and other long haired dogs, trimming the fur around her anus will help prevent puppy-constipation.)

So all of Sunday, while the poo-baby slept and farted, H. gave her what looks like buzz cut lamb-butt.

Do I take pictures and post them all over the Internet? OH NO.

tee hee

Next step: clippers.

The World is a Cold Dark Place

In Puppy Class, H. was told not to kiss Emily on the nose as it is very dangerous. woes. (we knew that. but shoot, got caught. 집에서 세는 바가지...)

It was a cute trick, too: kiss Emily on the nose, Emily licks her own nose.

Mommy will just have to kiss Emzee in secret.

Saturday means Puppy Class

[Stop Blogging and Play with Me]

Emily knows: Come, Watch! Sit, Stand, Down (guided), Off, Gimme! (with toys), and walking on a leash without going batshit (sometimes), but No Bite is always a challenge, especially since she's grown all her teeth and will lose them in the next couple of months.

Since we're off to be Puppy Class Prodigies again, H. pulls out Bad Puppy Vids:


Happy Saturday to the rest of you!

Baby's first Top Knot

[Sadly, no Mohawk]

(with the help of diluted hair gel, it stood up for 1 minute while she was sleeping, then, nada.)

Emily finally figured out that the shopping bag next to the recycling was filled with food. BAD FOOD (free from the vet). Of course she had to have it:

[Mean Puppies are Stealing My Food!]

Oh, Emily. Mommy and Daddy will NEVER feed you Hill's Science Diet. YUCK.

Her current food, Orijen: 6 Star Premium Dry Food.
Hill's Science Diet: 1 Star Dry Food, with CORN as main ingredient! Then "chicken by-product meal."

She's on Orijen Puppy until she's fully grown, then Mommy will figure out how to mix dry Orijen with a quality meat diet.

New Frontier

Emily, with a lot of coaching, climbed up the stairs today! Twice!

As her Daddy says, uh, don't know if this is a good thing.

(also went on her first walk of the day before noon, and is now schmacking on her chicken snack)

Walk of Poo

Heeding our vet's go-ahead, H. took Emily out to the dog walk in front of our house. Fun for the puppy, running around sniffing at everything, grass! trees! dirt! mud puddles! cigarette butts! trash!

For H. it was crazy land. Leash tangled Emily's feet, H.'s feet, huMONgus dog poo piles everywhere. H. was so worried getting Emily away from (what looked like) pony-shit , that she stepped in a mushy pile herself.

Emily got a half-bath in the kitchen sink, paw +belly +tail + chin wash when she got home, played dash-around for 2 minutes to dry off, then fell asleep.

[호강의 요강에 빠진 강아지]

-- does anyone else use this phrase? It might just be an H. family thing. Fell in the chamber-pot of luxury.

[Hey Daddy, guess where I've been?]

--
Note: Dear dog owners, please pick up after your pet. It's not hard.

Vet Visit: Sex Change Operation

WILL NOT BE NECESSARY!

[Rrrufff! I'm a Girl!]

To celebrate the end of Em's gender confusion, Mommy decked her out in her blue shirt. tee hee.

(In Holland, like most western countries, blue means boy and pink means girls. You get little dry biscuits with sprinkles in the respective colors when a baby's born. Beschuit met Muisjes)

Anyway, if your little girl puppy has a little hairy nub that looks like a penis between her hind legs, she's still not a boy. tee hee. (unless is farther up her stomach)

Emily also got her 3rd vac, deworming, general check, a green light to go walking in public areas, and her microchip injection. That hurt a bit. But now any vet or shelter in Western Europe can hold a scanner ring over her neck, and know who she is and where she lives.

(M. wonders when governments will start chipping citizens. H. says offer tax payback and drinkies+fuel rations.)

On that cheery note, H. leaves you with Em's first guard puppy duty against the ebil Monthly Window Washing Guy:

[Who's that guy in our yard? Is he stealing our windows?]

Young Adult Class

[Gotcha, ya little varmint!]

Emily jumped into Young Adult Class (12 total, every Saturday), and was a star. Two middle sized dogs, one German Shepherd, two chihuahuas. One of the runts tried to bite her, but she was okay. She's usually less shy when she's seen something twice, better three times. Emily was perfect with "Sit," "Watch," "Come," and walking on the leash. We'll practice "Down" this week.

The chihuahua's mommy was so frustrated her dog wouldn't do anything, but Emzee only makes things look easy. Actually, we'd been working on "Sit" and "Come" and "paying attention" since she was 8 weeks old. So, of course she could do them perfectly.

Class environment is pretty tough for puppies to pick up new commands. It's more for socialization and for the owners to learn things, and practice later at home.

Leerburg says a dog has to repeat a command at least 30 times before he learns it (a human, about 7 times). Funny how a lot of people assume being smart means picking up something instantly, instead of work!work!work!

[Fresh out of the bath, and napping inside Daddy's jacket]

WANTED

Have You Seen This Puppy?

Known as Emzee da Mudd,

Wanted for rampant Digging, and pulling out Kanna bulbs. Her specialty is faking a Potty Call to go mess up in the garden. Distinctive features: scruffy face, grubby paws and dirt all over.

Wanted: Alive and Squirming!

[Din' do it, besides I forgots/머리 코 박고 자]

--
Saturday: we have puppy class at 11. (actually, she was put in the "young adult" class, with some smaller dogs). Cross your fingers.

Baby's first Sweater

Emily's Uncle E. objects to dog clothes. Luckily, Mommy is prepared. Ta Da! More Dog Clothes!

[Emily says, Wotcha?]

[Does this sweater make my head look too big?]

I'll have you know, M.'s the one who bought her both the coat and the blue sweater. Take it up with him. On second thought, talk to the hand. tee hee.

Reading: Last year, I gobbled up Jonathan Carroll's Marriage of Sticks (2000) in a couple of days. Land of Laughs (2001) I read off and on for the last 4 months. Mostly because of Emily and writing reshuffling life order, not because it's not absolutely brilliant.

Write and/or Die & Books coming to Life are the motifs, but so horrific and zany, with yummy smart writing. If you've ever had an off-the-wall idea, and thought, "nah~, but it would make a great story," Jonathan Carroll's already done it.

(Doesn't mean you can't write your own story though. Everyone has ideas. Writing it out's a different story.)

Sex and an Old Coat

Some of our friends (E. and E.) think Emily might be a boy, and are concerned. Mostly, what Mommy and Daddy got were some really interesting images from the internet (not of puppies), when typing in the search words: "puppy," "sex," and "genitalia."

It's not that easy--balls drop at 6 months (tee hee). This page tells you how to check. Nope, still can't tell. We'll ask the vet next week.

Mommy was going to devote this post to queries on Puppy Gender.

But then, she found Emily's old, new coat in her crate, and wheee! We had fun with clothes! (this just shows Mommy is a girl. Ha ha, Judith Butler!)

Daddy bought her the coat when she was 8 weeks (because it was COLD, and she had to go out to potty), and now at 13 weeks, she finally grew into it. But of course she hates it:

Too bad, puppy. Mommy's the boss, ok?

[Aaaak!]

We went outside to try it out.

TV: Oi. Boys Before Flowers (ep 11&12) landed H. in rant-land all morning, frothing from teh sTOopiD. Also because 잔디 reminds her of one of her dumber cousins.

What H. wants to happen (also with 10 episodes less than planned): 잔디&준표 are stupid. Again. Ergo, they die. Skip the Funeral Scene. Flowers grow over Boys. The End.

Indoor Activities

On rainy days, Emily digs up the mud in the garden. Then she digs up the chair Mommy sits in:

She also cruises the Internet when Mommy's trying to work:

So, we go dancing, instead:

[Yes, she ends it with a kiss.]
She likes it better with Daddy:

Listen carefully. M.'s tooting one of those songs from Boys Before Flowers. He does it all day. It's driving H. nuts.
--
While Hana Yori Dango is getting more fun, Boys Before Flowers꽃보다 남자 has hit the 10 Ep Curse of Boring. 11 was an absolute SNOOZER. H. almost fell asleep while subbing. They really should have made this 12 eps total, instead of 16.

Maltese Halo

Evidently, Maltese dogs have this dark pigment around their eyes, giving them an "intense soulful" look, the Maltese Halo. The Malt sites say it comes in gradually, sometimes not at all.

Her right eye started "going black" at 9 weeks. At first H. thought she might have an eye infection -- it was a tiny speck. Now it's like half-finished eyeliner:[Look carefully. Yes, H. spends hours staring at her tiny dog's face.]

Not yet for her left eye. There's a spot starting at the outside corner:[Looks like pink eye]

--
Of course, you can't tell when she's sleeping:

[Runny babbit]

--
In TV watching, H&M, while waiting for (K)Boys over Flowers꽃보다 남자, are also watcing (J)Hana Yori Dango, side by side, to fulfill wacky TV needs. H&M tried it out a year ago, and absolutely hated it (the cowering, the victim mentality, the @%$^!)

But now that we know "what happens," we grit our teeth through eps 1-2, and it started growing on us by 3-4. Yay! It should have tighter storytelling, in any case.

Things we've learned:
1) H. likes stupid boys. Absolute bastards become endearing if they're airheads. (note: 현실무관)
2) M. is a well-trained slasher -- the Domyouji-Rui goodbye scene at the airport was pure gold for Teh GAY.

sidenote: for (K)BBF, potter-playboy role 김범, weirdly in real life, has been in yet another car accident. That's the second this month. Despite hasty conclusions, he's not a speed maniac. His agency drives him around, and the manager was nodding off at the wheel.
Spells dire forebodings for his character. Might have to be unexpectedly killed off in storyline.

Puppy Class - lees meer

So, evidently, the Puppy Class Instructor called us yesterday evening, but as I never know where my cell is (or it's not recharged), we missed it.

Of course it had to rain. As we're sitting in the parking lot, waiting for everyone else to arrive, H. sees nothing but HUMONGUS Golden Retrievers and FERAL Labradors. Oh yay, finally an overgrown Boxer.

"Turn the car around. We're going home. They'll CHOMP on EMILY!!!"

Evidently, no one else signed up for Puppy Class, and everyone else showed up for "Young Adult" classes, so we got private lessons under an awning, where two feet away, two guys started making beer. No really, this is Holland, this must happen all the time.

Emily could already "Come" when called, respond to her name, "Sit," so we learned "Down" and "Watch" (me). And we walked on the leash around the other HUGE EVOL DOGS (who belonged to Doggy Delinquents Anonymous, obviously). Ems was prancing next to me like a show puppy. (Happy Mommy didn't notice one of the black Labs tried to bite her)

So yes, Emily is a puppy prodigy.

Taking the advice of the intructor, we later took her out next to the Bio-Science Park, and went for a 40 minute walk. Oh. Wow. Ems sailed through that.

Yes, Emily's going to Harvard for sure. Wot? H. is a 진짜 한국엄마. tee hee.

Puppy Class Mix Up!

Mommy and Daddy were freaked by some of the unruliest Labradors they'd ever seen!

Emily is a child prodigy!

Mud Garden

As I said yesterday, Emily is getting to be quite a handful:[She's quite tall, too]

[Hi, granma!]
Of course, it was all my fault. We went out for potty, and afterwards, I let her play. Emzee looked for slugs in the garden plot:

And tried finger-painting:

Wish us luck! We're off to Puppy Class, today!
--

Aw... 김연아 fell during her triple loop in the 4 Continents. Still, she won. Like every other Korean person, H. adores 연아. So smart, so spunky. Though, I quite like Asada, too. Skating, yeah, but she's got really cute paint-smudge eyebrows that I'm trying next.

Finally, H.'s favorite sport (M. laughs and laughs) is getting some face time. After years of staying up till 4am watching Tara Lipinsky or Sarah Hughes or Irina Slutskaya skate on Sky TV (and wishing for years Michelle Kwan would win the Olympics for once), Vancouver 2010 should be a blast.

Shoe Eater Mud Slinger

Emily has gotten bigger and stronger over the past week. Ergo, her damage capacity is greater. Yesterday, she ripped the cover off a phone book, and then tore it to shreds. She also likes our shoes:

Also, my fuzzy slippers:

So, we got Emzee (Emily강아지) her own shoe:

tbc
(곧이어, 계속)

Plans and Rainy Day Lizards

Emily walks like a trooper at the CS department -- the corridors are a connected square, so we did two rounds last weekend. But once we're home, she's thinks she's too good for the leash.

We're starting puppy classes this Saturday -- first drop by to see if they're all right, not violent or shouty. In Dutch. This time she won't be the only one hearing, "blah blah blah blah blah, SIT, blah blah blah blah blah SIT!"

--
In person news, H&M are crazy addicted to Boys Before Flowers (꽃보다 남자). Ep 9 was cheesy but so much fun. 구준표 being a goofy idiot is priceless. Ep10, not quite the best, but worth it for the Battle of the Moms.

H. had to decline the invitation to sub 돌아온 일지매 with a group. Looks like fun, but got no time.
--
It's raining out. H. wanted to shop around for another Greenie Alligator or a proper Pig's Ear Chewie, but will have to postpone.

[Rainy Days, stay inside and gnaw on a lizard]

East Asian 3 / 동양3국 말티즈

Emily is a full 12 weeks old today (1.8 kg). From that we expect her to be double her weight when she's full grown: 3.6kg, at the far end of the Maltese spectrum.

Her hair's growing all over the place too. It's poking her eyes a lot. It's a battle three times a day wiping off the eye gunk, what with holding her still, and Emily biting and snapping at the cotton pads.

[Sneak clean, while she's napping]

We'll have to give her the dreaded Maltese topknot, soon. (M. groans at the idea.)

[Hey there, fuzzy face]

As H. has no shame, she's considering all options.

The one-knot standard :[Korean style/ 상투머리]

Then, there's the two-knot standard:

[Chinese style/빵머리]

Then again, if Emily keeps pissing Mommy off by struggling for dear life when Mommy's wiping her eye gunk, Mommy could just shave it off. (까불면 확 밀어버린다):

[Japanese style/아, 앞머리 없어서 편해!]

ps. 엄마: the funny sound coming from the bag, is her squeaky chew toy.

Drags them to her Secret Lair.

... and we never see them again... and again.


[Tasmanian Devil Bag]
--
Work is proceeding much slower than usual, now that H. is subbing Boys Before Flowers/꽃보다 남자 herself, for M. to watch, as we cannot wait for the subbing team releases. It's no fun watching something this ridiculous/goofy by myself.

Though, when he's on 6am Potty Duty, I find M. watching old BBF eps over and over again by himself, and chortling.

Sleep Sunday

Emily was perfect on the leash, today. We walked two rounds in the CS building, and she was trotting around pretty proud of herself.

As usual, she freaked in the crate on the drive over and back. Then fell asleep at home.

[How can you sleep like that?/ 안 불편해?]

I can't stand it myself, so I have to nudge her back up to the center.
--
H&M are currently enjoying 꽃보다 남자/Boys Before Flowers. Though I usually like J-doramas, Hana Yori Dango didn't work for me (too much grovel/stifle @ the beginning), but this one does (slightly different set-up).

The girl is extra spunky, the boy reveals his doofusness, pretty quick (구혜선 is cute, 이민호 is greasy good-looking). So far, an 8 episode marathon, and multiple re-watch. Tee hee.